Her Story - Part 1

I have yet to find a girl, who from a young age, has not dreamed of one day meeting her prince charming... her knight in shining armor... her rescuer from all things evil... her protector... her defender... the love of her life. Yet though we strive for such perfection in a sinful fallen world, rarely if ever few of us will find such a person. A person who complete us, a person who understands us, a person who is willing to look beyond our inadequacies with unconditional love. Nevertheless, we will try to find that person. If perchance, we are one of the fortunate one's, we might actually find more than one person with whom to share our life...either because of divorce or death. In either case, it is a welcome change of pace our lives have taken, to happen upon another soul mate. And I use that word sparingly, because I realize that the mere mention of the word will send many running and other's swooning.


Call it what you like... love is something we all wish to have, myself included. I was that little girl, sitting on her daddy's lap watching TV and wondering... how one day God would provide this same sense of security and provision through a husband. My father is a wise man and he would tell me the things I should look for in a future spouse... honesty, spirituality, integrity, kindness, love, etc. My dad modeled a great picture of Christ in how he took care of us, loved and provided for us. This set the stage for my thinking in adulthood. I had a good foundation from which to build.

As it would happen though, despite my good intentions and sure foundation, foolishness ruled my young heart. I made unwise choices of friends, companions and lovers. I even married one of those lovers, much to the dismay of my friends and family. I had embarked on a journey that would be pa see at best. All be it, I was immature, selfish, prideful, arrogant and unsubmissive... that marriage was doomed for failure. An eight year struggle over finances, control, parenting, pornography and infidelity led to an untimely divorce.

In walks the Lord... I knew the Lord was with me everyday and I did pray and grow in my relationship to Him. But I had never before been forced to depend on Him solely for my every need. I began to life out "Father to the Fatherless" verses. Upon my divorce, I found myself homeless, carless, moneyless, jobless and alone with a 6 month old, 1 1/2 year old and a 5 year old. God immediately began providing with a home, a car, jobs and much needed physical help through my personal and church family.

Over the next 5 years of singleness, my precious Lord guided me through difficult conversations with the kids, through financial decisions, through divorce issues with my ex-husband and through spiritual issues. It wasn't until my children were 3,4 and 8 that they began to notice our family was different. They realized that they didn't have a dad in their home and that I did not have a husband. They began to understand God's structure of the home and that we were missing pieces to the puzzle. So they asked me "Mom, why don't you just get another husband? We need a dad!" Hmmm...we laugh at such frankness and refreshing honesty from our children. They make it sound like I was just placing my order at the drive through and pick it up. So to them, what was I waiting for?

Well, God had me use this opportunity to teach them about decision making, prayer and petitioning to God and of course the all importance of patience! We had many discussions of God's sovereignty and how he provides in time of need. As a family we could literally write a book about God's provision for us. Yet we still seemed lacking in the area of an earthly father/husband. So we commenced to praying. We prayed at every meal, at every good night, the children were so bold as to ask for prayer about this issues in Sunday School and church. Now, talk about being humbled. Yet my children's frank and honest approach to praying for this request was refreshing. They knew God would send us a father/husband... so why not ask?

I, on the other hand, did plead with God for a mate, but with some trepidation. I had great fear in my heart of repeating my past mistakes, fear of being accepted for what I was, fear of not measuring up, fears that were just irrational. But God, in His love for me, gave me great faith and helped me to know how to pray. He gave me strength to live everyday... all the while I was praying diligently for a spouse. I vowed to not rush the Lord, but to wait on His timing and wisdom... two things I had thrown out the window the last time I was married. (To be continued....)