Coming soon to a laptop near you...

Just so you don't grow weary waiting... I thought I would let you know I am planning a new blog entry... to be released in the next few days! Aren't you excited? I went back for a visit to my Cariologist this week and have some interesting things to write about... so come back ya'll for a new update on My Crazy Life!

More details...

I have had several people ask me exactly how the doctors diagnosed me and when I came to have Cardiomyopathy. So, I will spend some time explaining in more detail about the different types of Cardiomyopathy, causes and future treatment plans for me.

Cardiomyopathy means "heart muscle disease." My heart may not be pumping as well as it should. There are three different types of Cardiomyopathy:

1. Dilated Cardiomyopathy - The heart muscle is damaged and cannot move as much blood as before. The heart muscle stretches so it can hold more fluid, thus enlarging and thinning the heart muscle itself. Basically, over time, it becomes stretched-out and gets weaker and tires out.
2. Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy - I have this form of Cardiomyopathy... the heart muscle grow thicker and stiffer than normal, especially in the wall of the left ventricle and septum. This is why the doctors thought I had a heart attack initially, because on the echo cardiogram it appeared the left front wall of my heart was paralyzed - typical symptoms of a heart attack. After the Heart Catheterization, it was concluded I did not have a heart attack, but instead had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. My stiff heart muscle can't relax between pumps the way it should, so less blood moves with each pump. An average person's heart pumps out approximately 50-70% of the blood that is pulled into the heart. No one's heart pumps out 100% of the blood in every pump. My heart only pumps out 25% of the blood in any given pump. This is called an ejection fraction. An irregular heart beat is also normal for this condition... that was all the fluttering and jumping I was feeling in my chest over the past few weeks. Those sensations may or may not go away.

Causes of Cardiomyopathy: Causes 1 and 2 are my diagnosis.

1. Coronary artery disease: a narrowing of the heart's blood vessels, because of the thickening in the heart muscle itself. Also known as ischemic cardiomyopthy. This is one of my diagnosis.
2. Problems for a women during or after multiple childbirths. This is the second diagnosis - post par tum cardiomyopathy.
3. Heavy alcohol use over a long period of time.
4. Infection or inflammation of the heart muscle.
5. Use of certain cancer medications
6. High blood pressure.

Blood Clot: I have also been diagnosed with a Thrombus, for the layman it is called a blood clot. This is located in the lower left ventricle of my heart and has formed over time, since my heart has not been pumping strongly enough. It has allowed the blood to pool in the bottom of my heart and become clotted and sticky. The doctor's have given me Coumadin and Lovenox shots for the near future until the clot is dissolved. The length of time I will be on these particular drugs will not be known until later.

Drugs: The doctor's have also given me several others medicines to begin taking long term. Coreg and Enalapril are blood pressure medications. No, I do not have high blood pressure, but these two drugs work with my heart to make it easier for it to pump blood everyday. Thus, allowing my heart to work a little less with each pump and not tire so easily. I am also taking 81 mg aspirin and 1200 mg of fish oil. The fish oil is for my good cholesterol - which apparently is not high enough - though my other readings were perfectly fine.

Treatment plan for the future: This is a work in progress, obviously, because I do not truly know how what my body can handle until I get back into a normal routine. But here are the initial guidelines I have been given:

1. Medications: as described above. At a later time, when I have researched more about my medicines exact benefit to my body, I will blog on them each individually. Because if you know me.... I am very picky about medications! Which makes this very ironic... you should have seen me in the hospital, I think I asked more questions than the doctors. Finally, about the 3rd day one of my nurses brought me in printed paper work of detailing all of the medications I was taking and information pertaining to everything the doctor's were using. She told me that this is usually for the doctor's, but I seemed to need this information for myself! We laughed! At least somebody understand me! HAHA!
2. Salt intake: My daily salt intake must be between 1800-2000mg. The perfect diet from the government says 2400mg daily, so a bit less than that is acceptable for me.
3. Liquid intake: I have learned that the amount of liquid I put in my body has a direct correlation to how hard my heart works. Therefore, I can have the average 6 cups of liquid (48oz.) per day or less. This includes liquid in foods such as fruits and vegetable, anything frozen that turns to liquid such as ice cream, frozen mocha cappuccinos (we all know how much i love those from sonic!)... This will take a little adjustment.
4. Exercise and rest: The doctor's explained that stress, overworking and anxiety would not directly affect my heart, however it could indirectly cause problems. If stress, overworking or anxiety is causing me to not get adequate rest, exercise and eat properly, then that would begin to cause further damage to my heart. The doctors were thrilled at my weight loss of 75 lbs. this past year and have encouraged me as I feel better, to continue with that weight loss, because it will take even more pressure off my heart. So a normal work week (40hours) is doable, give or take a little.

So, if you've made it to the end of this blog.... congratulations... you now know most everything I know, to date, on my condition. If you have questions or comments, please ask them and I will gladly post further clarifications. As a side note, my good friend, Jamie Lee Allen (you can link to her blog from my list on the right side) wrote a few post about concerning me. I do not deserve any of the accolades she gives to me and want God to receive all the glory... but it is encouraging to me that God can use me to be a testimony to others through my trials. Go check her out! You won't be disappointed! She's so much funnier than I am! God Bless you Jamie!

Okay, folks, time for me to get some rest... until next time...

Never far from His arms...

Boy, I knew I liked my home, but I almost cried when I finally mad it back yesterday. It has been quite an ordeal. To sleep in my own bed without being poked and woken every few hours, was like a dream. I just took a deep breath and said "Okay, now my new life begins... Day 1." I woke up this morning and was like... where do I start? I know everything hasn't changed, but it sure feels like it. You know when you are a healthy 31 year old, you just push your body. You don't think about it, if you are tired or what you eat or if you are doing too much... You just do what needs to be done. Now, I'm not so sure. The doctors said I could resume normal activity, but when I told him what my "normal" was like... he hesitated... "Well, maybe not quite that much, I wouldn't consider that normal." Where does that leave me? I have three kids to support, take care of and I work 60 hours a week. Kind of at a loss as to what I should do... God and I have been having many conversations about this! I completely trust His will, I'm just not sure what that is. I can't see past the dollar signs and bills right now. If I can't work as much as I want/need to, then what? That's what I keep asking God... and in His loving care for me, I hear Him reassuring me that He will provide as He always has, for my little family. So here I am again, completely dependent on God! Funny, how He never let's me stray that far from Him or His provision. I use to be all prideful because I couldn't provide everything for myself. You know today's culture says to be self-sufficient and do it for yourself -especially women! Women are to be strong, they are told they do not need a man/husband, that they can handle all that the world throws at them, as well as any men. HA! I beg to differ! What would I do without my Savior's covering over me.. protecting me from the world, from the attacks of Satan, from those who would persecute me for trusting in Him. I would surely be a wounded soldier, lying on the battle field alone, were it not for my Savior's protective arms all around me. So, even though in my humanness, I worry and wonder how? and why? and when?.... I know that my Lord has it all worked out - so I do worry less and wonder less and try to rest in His wisdom. I am not perfect, far, far, from the accolades that have been given to me by family and friends, "She's so strong, she has been through so much, she ...." Folks, all I have lived through is nothing compared to the sacrifice my Savior made for me on the cross. If my life brings a half rays of light to His glory - which it will not, because nothing I do could ever be close to His glory - than it would have been worth living a life 100 times harder than this. This life is so very brief... the trials and suffering are temporary... yet it is all for His glory!

We have a diagnosis!

PostPartum Cardiomyopathy

Cardiomyopathy is a disease of the heart muscle. There are three main types of cardiomyopathy — dilated, hypertrophic and restrictive — all of which affect your heart's muscle, often making it difficult to pump blood and deliver it to the rest of your body. There are many causes of cardiomyopathy, including coronary artery disease and valvular heart disease. Cardiomyopathy can be treated. The type of treatment you'll receive depends on which type of cardiomyopathy you have and how serious it is. Your treatment may include medications, surgically implanted devices or, in severe cases, a heart transplant.

I have Postpartum Cardiomyopthy, which is a damaged and diseased heart due to multiple pregnancies and the strain/stress that puts on your heart during those pregnancies. It is often not diagnosed for years following the last pregnancy. In my particular case, it has been going on long enough for blood clots to form and settle in the bottom left ventricle of my heart.

I will be checking out of Memorial Hospital tomorrow, November 18th and heading home to a few weeks of rest. The first order of business is to take medications that will dissolve the clots in my heart before they can move elsewhere and cause further damage. Thus I have begun Coumadin and Lovenox... and a host of other medications that I will gladly blog about later, once I am home and can figure out what they have me taking... haha! We are all familiar with Coumadin and Lovenox is an injection shot that I have learned to give to myself! Yeah! I can stick myself with a needle.... it is much harder than it looks! Try it sometime! Well, maybe not, but you get the point... not so much fun. The second order of business will be reevaluating my job/stress situation. I will be learning tomorrow from the doctors exactly what I can expect to resume and how to handle this new condition. I know that I am not an invalid... however, some changes will surely need to be made. I look forward to talking with the doctors and rehab nurses tomorrow and finding out all the particulars of my new lifestyle.

I would be in error if I did not say that this has been a very surreal experience. I do not think it has fully sunk in my brain what has truly happened to me over the last few days - other than the fact I have actually been able to sleep and get some rest! lol! So, I look forward to some quiet time of reflecting and talking to God. He is so sovereign and has met every need I have... and will continue to do so... until my last breath. I thank God for this opportunity - even in illness - to bring His faith, that He has given me, into light - so that other's may see His work and be glorified. That the doctor's may be baffled at His handiwork... that the nurses may see His people rally about His child in prayer... that my personal family and friend who are un-churched may see God's people totally supporting and helping a sister in Christ with her every need. May God be glorified in all that I have said and will do.

To God be the Glory!

Cardiac Catheterization

Continued from previous post...I have no strong history of diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, etc in my family. Today, November 17th, they are doing a heart catherization. http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/cardiac-catheterization You can read further about this procedure at the previous link.

Cardiac catheterization (heart cath) is the insertion of a catheter into a chamber or vessel of the heart. This is done for both investigational and interventional purposes. Coronary catheterization is a subset of this technique, involving the catheterization of the coronary arteries.
A small puncture is made in a vessel in the groin, the inner bend of the elbow, or neck area (the femoral vessels or the carotid/jugular vessels), then a guidewire is inserted into the incision and threaded through the vessel into the area of the heart that requires treatment, visualized by fluoroscopy or echocardiogram, and a catheter is then threaded over the guidewire. If X-ray fluoroscopy is used, a radiocontrast agent will be administered to the patient during the procedure. When the necessary procedures are complete, the catheter is removed. Firm pressure is applied to the site to prevent bleeding. This may be done by hand or with a mechanical device. Other closure techniques include an internal suture. If the femoral artery was used, the patient will probably be asked to lie flat for several hours to prevent bleeding or the development of a hematoma. Cardiac interventions such as the insertion of a stent prolong both the procedure itself as well as the post-catheterization time spent in allowing the wound to clot.
A cardiac catheterization is a general term for a group of procedures that are performed using this method, such as coronary angiography, as well as left ventrical angiography. Once the catheter is in place, it can be used to perform a number of procedures including angioplasty, angiography, and balloon septostomy.

After 3pm today, the doctor's should have a much clearer picture of my heart including what type of damage I have, any blockages in my arteries or other complications throughout and around my heart. So, just be in prayer and I look forward to blogging again on all the new information that they find today during the heart catheterization. Stay tuned to the next episode of My Crazy Life!!!

What is a Left Bundle Branch Block?

Well, I figured since I had lots of time on my hands now... I would spend some time blogging on what exciting things have happened to me in the past few days. For the past few weeks I have been having some weird quivering and flipping feelings in my chest around my heart. Just like strong palpitations and fluttering... I thought maybe this was just stress (not that I really have any of that in my nice calm, quiet life! HAHA) But, you know, maybe anxiety or something. And as a typical busy mother, I ignored it and went about my days normally. On Tuesday, November 11 - I was having a lot of discomfort in my chest. My heart was going crazy in my chest and I was having lots of pressure, it was hard to take a deep breath. So my friend, Christina, suggested (insisted) that I go see Dr. Adjei so I would stop complaining. LOL I am so loved! So off to the doctor I went. Dr Adjei ran an ECG and it showed a Left Bundle Branch Block (LBBB). This was not alarming, but was concerning and needed to be checked out by a cardiologist. Here is a short excerpt from The American Heart Association about Bundle Branch Block. What is the normal condition? The heart has its own pacemaker, called the SA node. This is a specialized group of cells in the heart's right upper chamber (right atrium). Somewhere between 60 and 100 times a minute, this pacemaker emits an electrical impulse. This impulse then travels throughout the heart on a specified route. As the impulse passes through the heart, the heart muscle contracts (beats). The impulse first travels through the upper chambers (the atria). Before it can go to the lower chambers (the ventricles), it must pass through one small group of cells called the AV node. The AV node is between the atria and the ventricles. After the impulse goes through this AV node, it goes along a track called the "bundle of His." From there, this bundle divides into a right bundle and a left bundle. These two bundles go to the right and left lower chambers of the heart. All of this is much like following the roads on a freeway map.
What is bundle branch block? Normally, the electrical impulse travels down both the right and left branches at the same speed. Thus, both ventricles contract at the same time. But occasionally there's a block in one of the branches. This doesn't mean that one of the ventricles won't contract. It just means that impulses must travel to the affected side by a detour that slows them down. That means one ventricle contracts a fraction of a second slower than the other. Usually if there's nothing else wrong, a person with bundle branch block shows no symptoms. But a bundle branch block shows up as an abnormality when the electrical impulses through the heart are recorded with an electrocardiogram (ECG).

So Dr. Adjei referred me to Dr. Huggins, a Cardiologist at Memorial Medical University Hospital, in Savannah, Georgia. I saw Dr. Huggins on Friday, November 14th and he ran another ECG and an Echo cardiogram. The Echo cardiogram shows that the front left wall of my heart was damaged due to a possible heart attack. The left ventricle of my heart was not emptying because of low ejection pressure and thus blood clots have formed in the lower left ventricle. Dr. Huggins, immediately admitted me to MMUH and started me on blood thinners, blood pressure medication, cholesterol medicine and some other things I can't remember. I have been observed and been placed on 24/7 heart monitors until they can decide a course of action. The doctors are quite baffled - calling me an enigma!

SOCCER SEASON

SOCCER

Soccer has begun! Need I say more? If you are new to my world, let me clue you in... all three of my children usually play soccer. And as my life would have it - all three of my children play on different teams! All have practice at different times! And all have games at different locations in different counties, sometimes - usually all on the same day!

So when I look a little haggled on Sunday morning, even a little tanner than the week before; you will know that I have been faithfully cheering on my little squad of soccer players and yelling my brains out from the side lines.

(yes, I am that mom! Just love me anyway)

Happy Fall Soccer Season!

Her Story - Conclusion

You know, when you begin to ask God for a spouse, you actually are relinquishing control. You are asking God to intervene and choose a mate for you. Not that much different than the betrothal of old… I was allowing my Lord to betroth me to His choice for my life. What a step of faith I was taking, yet what relief of that burden being lifted. I did not need to worry, to rush, to choose – God has His best in mind for me. All I had to do was wait. So waited I did. One year, two years, four years, five years. “ I am not getting any younger, Lord I would say; and I was so very weary of walking that road alone. Yet God still brought me strength every day… through His word – the bible, through brothers and sisters in Christ who encouraged me, and through the Holy Spirit. Even through each relationship I encountered, I learned new things about myself and how I needed to continue to most of all depend on the Lord. One day, while talking with a friend, he shared about when he met his wife. He explained that she was so clearly in love with the Lord, that she even told him, that he would need to come around to the idea of her being totally in love with the Lord, first. He was like – whoa! Who is this woman? Haha. I thought, Oh! To be that woman! And I guess I am, in a way. I am totally in love with my Savior and that is a thirst that has never gone away. There is always more to learn, always more to desire, always more wisdom to glean. Through His word, I have learned that our emotional needs, spiritual needs, physical needs are only truly met 100% through Him. Put that to the test in any marriage… we go into a relationship or marriage thinking that this person is going to meet our needs (well, some of us do) or we depend on that person for support or strength that really we should be looking to our Heavenly Father to provide. Women, especially, are bad with this! If we (women) would stop looking to our husbands to fulfill the needs that clearly God has not designed them to fulfill, we would find our relationships and marriages, much healthier. Our sense of value and worth are not wrapped up in what any human being thinks of us. It is solely based on our understanding of our relationship to God. When we go into a marriage knowing this, we enter in on equal footing…both stepping on a foundation of understanding before God – that only He can truly meet our needs. Then and only then will our focus be right – a right focus on the Lord, a right focus on our spouse, a right focus on our marriage.

So, as I continue down this road of singleness, I hope to have grown in wisdom and knowledge… to perhaps be an encouragement to other women who have walked in my shoes, or to warn some women who think the grass is greener on the other side, in my shoes. But I do not walk this road alone – oh no! I walk this road hand in hand with my Savior and all the while it is a sweeter walk than the day before…

Her Story - Part 1

I have yet to find a girl, who from a young age, has not dreamed of one day meeting her prince charming... her knight in shining armor... her rescuer from all things evil... her protector... her defender... the love of her life. Yet though we strive for such perfection in a sinful fallen world, rarely if ever few of us will find such a person. A person who complete us, a person who understands us, a person who is willing to look beyond our inadequacies with unconditional love. Nevertheless, we will try to find that person. If perchance, we are one of the fortunate one's, we might actually find more than one person with whom to share our life...either because of divorce or death. In either case, it is a welcome change of pace our lives have taken, to happen upon another soul mate. And I use that word sparingly, because I realize that the mere mention of the word will send many running and other's swooning.


Call it what you like... love is something we all wish to have, myself included. I was that little girl, sitting on her daddy's lap watching TV and wondering... how one day God would provide this same sense of security and provision through a husband. My father is a wise man and he would tell me the things I should look for in a future spouse... honesty, spirituality, integrity, kindness, love, etc. My dad modeled a great picture of Christ in how he took care of us, loved and provided for us. This set the stage for my thinking in adulthood. I had a good foundation from which to build.

As it would happen though, despite my good intentions and sure foundation, foolishness ruled my young heart. I made unwise choices of friends, companions and lovers. I even married one of those lovers, much to the dismay of my friends and family. I had embarked on a journey that would be pa see at best. All be it, I was immature, selfish, prideful, arrogant and unsubmissive... that marriage was doomed for failure. An eight year struggle over finances, control, parenting, pornography and infidelity led to an untimely divorce.

In walks the Lord... I knew the Lord was with me everyday and I did pray and grow in my relationship to Him. But I had never before been forced to depend on Him solely for my every need. I began to life out "Father to the Fatherless" verses. Upon my divorce, I found myself homeless, carless, moneyless, jobless and alone with a 6 month old, 1 1/2 year old and a 5 year old. God immediately began providing with a home, a car, jobs and much needed physical help through my personal and church family.

Over the next 5 years of singleness, my precious Lord guided me through difficult conversations with the kids, through financial decisions, through divorce issues with my ex-husband and through spiritual issues. It wasn't until my children were 3,4 and 8 that they began to notice our family was different. They realized that they didn't have a dad in their home and that I did not have a husband. They began to understand God's structure of the home and that we were missing pieces to the puzzle. So they asked me "Mom, why don't you just get another husband? We need a dad!" Hmmm...we laugh at such frankness and refreshing honesty from our children. They make it sound like I was just placing my order at the drive through and pick it up. So to them, what was I waiting for?

Well, God had me use this opportunity to teach them about decision making, prayer and petitioning to God and of course the all importance of patience! We had many discussions of God's sovereignty and how he provides in time of need. As a family we could literally write a book about God's provision for us. Yet we still seemed lacking in the area of an earthly father/husband. So we commenced to praying. We prayed at every meal, at every good night, the children were so bold as to ask for prayer about this issues in Sunday School and church. Now, talk about being humbled. Yet my children's frank and honest approach to praying for this request was refreshing. They knew God would send us a father/husband... so why not ask?

I, on the other hand, did plead with God for a mate, but with some trepidation. I had great fear in my heart of repeating my past mistakes, fear of being accepted for what I was, fear of not measuring up, fears that were just irrational. But God, in His love for me, gave me great faith and helped me to know how to pray. He gave me strength to live everyday... all the while I was praying diligently for a spouse. I vowed to not rush the Lord, but to wait on His timing and wisdom... two things I had thrown out the window the last time I was married. (To be continued....)

Walk Through the Valley

It has seemed that so much of my life has been a valley... have you experienced that? Valleys of trials that we all walk through as Christians? Valleys that we bring on ourselves from our own disobedience to God... Valleys that we didn't see coming because we were not focused enough on God to see the signs ahead... Valleys that we did see coming, but were powerless to do anything about... Valleys that God has providentially placed in our path, so that we would grow closer to Him... Just Valleys!

When I look back on my life I wonder "Why couldn't my life have been easy? Simple, uncomplicated?" Hmmm... no such luck for this woman. Parent's divorced when I was 16 years old, I rushed into a marriage at the young age of 18, divorced by the time I was 26 with three kids, an ex-husband who shirked his responsibilities, I have struggled to work, pay the bills, and raise the kids alone, been single now for 5 years, just lost the only job I really loved. Yes, having a valley moment about now! haha

I look at some of my friends from high school and they are still happily ever after, married - with 2.5 kids, suv's, houses, the whole nine yards. And here I sit in my valley! Just me and God!

But... how sweet this valley has been for me and my children! You know, there is nothing quite like a humbling experience of total dependency on God to grow your faith. Nothing quite like loosing your house through divorce/foreclosure, only to have God give you one through His providing hand... Nothing quite like not being able to pay the bills that week and coming out of church to find that God had someone place that exact amount in an envelope on the front seat of the car... Nothing quite like worrying if you are capable of raising your children alone and seeing 2 of 3 of them come to know the Lord and be baptized... Nothing quite like having 2 cars bite the dust and see God provide 2 better cars that were given to you! Nothing quite like struggling in loneliness from being single and having God give you your perfect soul mate, someone He has created just for you! Nothing quite like looking up out of that valley and seeing the mountain top just ahead and knowing that you are almost there! Nothing quite like, looking to your right and seeing your Lord and Savior, walking you out of that valley!

My brother's and sister's in Christ.... we will go through valleys, sometimes extended, sometimes brief. But, God has used these years of total dependence on Him to humble me, to soften me, to mold me, to teach me. Yes, it has been painful at times and hard - but how sweet to know that My God loves me enough to mold me - He loves me enough to walk through the valley with me - He loves me enough to walk me out - He loves me! What more can I say?

So, when you are walking through your valley... right now... or you can see it coming.... or maybe you are headed up the hill out of that valley... don't forget the precious times you had with the Lord. Hold His hand and let Him lead you on...

If You Want Me To By: Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus: Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear
You answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering
Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness
If You want me to
When I cross over Jordan,
I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Fiber, Anyone?

This is a copy and paste from my old blog.... Because it has been soooooooooooo long (thanks donny for point that out EVERYTIME) since I have blogged anything new.... I decided to put this blog up for all my new friends to read. No, I do not still have this bread business, but I will be glad to bake a loaf for you anytime, just ask. And, yes, for all my out-of-state readers, I will gladly ship some to you! haha! I hope you enjoy!

Fiber, Anyone?

As I mentioned before, I began a bread baking company this summer. I am calling it "The Bread Lady." I use 100 % whole wheat flour. Big deal, you might say, however let me give you a little background. Once wheat is milled into flour the nutrients immediately begin to oxidize, thus causing the flour to be far less nutritious than when first milled. Within 72 hours, all but about 20% of the nutrients are gone - you're left with basically cardboard. Ever wonder why the "whole wheat" bread at the store taste like cardboard? Now you know why!

Anyway, with my flour being milled right in my kitchen and baked immediately, the nutrients are preserved, the taste is 100% better and you reap the benefits of awesome nutrition.One of the most amazing benefits of fresh ground whole wheat bread is the amount of fiber it contains. Combined with the nutrients naturally found in fresh flour, the fiber is more easily digested by the body and therefore absorbed into the intestines and produces a very "regular" system!

Yes, I'm talking about constipation! Like you don't have that problem! Honey, it is a huge problem, you just can't get away from that. Well, my family and I have been enjoying the benefits of a "regular" system for a while now, and every customer I have (in their own discreet way) has found a way to comment on their new found "regularity." It is completely amazing how happy people are when they are "regular."

Now for the fun part! We have (had) a Basset hound, named Sallie Mae. We were leaving on Tuesday night for VBS and it was pouring down rain. As we were leaving the dog darted in the door. Because it was raining, we were late already, the power had just out (need I continue?) I just let her stay inside. We returned several hours later to find her "happily" greeting us at the door. We immediately realized why she was so happy. There on the flour lay the tiny crumbs of what was left of a WHOLE LOAF of my cinnamon raisin bread (yes, the fresh ground whole wheat kind). Yes, my dog had somehow managed to get a loaf off the counter, out of a Wal-mart bag, out of the bread bag and eat the entire thing. So within a few hours she was "regular!" (twice in the house) Needless to say, she won't be coming in the house anytime soon! So, happy eating! And I hope you stay as "regular" as our whole family!

Home Sweet Home

Well, by the looks of my living/dining room, I am home and halfway unpacked! My washer and dryer don't believe me yet... still doing a weeks worth of laundry for 4 people. This could take a while. Nevertheless, we had a wonderful time; both my mother and I, oh and my children too. God was ever present on this trip, from the drive to and from Daytona and during our stay. My children were wonderfully behaved, yes, even Laura. She didn't get in serious trouble the whole week. I know you find that hard to believe, but it is true. She had her moments, don't get me wrong, we did have a few "come to Jesus" moments, but overall, she was great!

Before we left on the trip, I was developing some photos at Walmart using the little photo machine. Laura was with me and we were talking about how I was enhancing a few pictures (red eye, color, etc..) We came to a picture of her on graduation night and she was not smiling (she was in a mood that night and wouldn't smile). She said "Well mom, why can't you just enhance that picture and make me smile?" Oh I had to laugh! Of course I couldn't do that... but it did open a door of opportunity for me to talk with her about her attitudes. I shared with her how her bad attitude that night would forever be remembered by a picture and that she should be more careful how she acts. God sees and knows all our attitudes, even after we have forgotten. But through his grace and love for us, He forgives us when we ask and then He will never remember our sin. Maybe she will think about that the next time she starts to have an attitude.


We are off to our last soccer game of the season today! I am a little sad to see it all come to an end, yet having my Saturday's back will be very nice! I can't even remember what I used to do on Saturday before soccer? hmmm.....

Vacation

Well, we are off to Daytona Beach this morning. I guess I am excited. I think more or less, I am just tired from getting ready for vacation - I just want to sleep!!! haha! Maybe I can do that on the way down there. This vacation was made possible by my mother - God bless her soul! She and I have a very interesting relationship - definitely not the typical mother/daughter thing. God is using our relationship to teach me many things: self-sacrifice, patience, grace, mercy, patience, love beyond our faults, patience, did I say patience? I love my mother and am so thankful for her in my life. My own legalislm, immaturity, self-proclaimed rightness, has lead to many tumultuous years. God has seen fit that our relationship persevere through such inadequacies on my part. I have learned that I can love someone whom I don't necessarily agree with on every issue. I can graciously over look some things, and lovingly disagree with others and still have a love in my heart for them. It has taken many years of my own maturing, before our relationship has come to a semblance of normalcy. Although highly disfunctional, God has seen fit that we are mother and daughter - so I will trust His plan! Thank you mom for this wonderful vacation -I hope that we can be a blessing to you on this trip.

Sun and Fun
Here we come!

You Know You're Really A Mom When...

1.You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
2.You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
3. Your child throws up and you can catch it.
4.You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance. (I'm craft challenged)
5.You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching. (this would be JA)
6.You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats. (They get this honestly from their mother :-)
7.You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.
8.You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
9.You read that the average-five-year old (and in my case, also a six-year-old) asks 437 questions a day and you feel proud that your kids are "above average."
10. You go to bed exhausted every night since their birth and willing get up and do it all over again...

Laura

I was doing Brain Quest Cards with Laura last night... they are math, language and life skill cards that have questions for kids. Not that my kids need to be any smarter! They keep me on my toes already... nevertheless, it helps me slow down and spend individual time with each of them, and they think it is great fun.

One of the questions on Laura's card was " In what country did Pizza originate? " She answers emphatically,"That's easy, Rincon!"

I love that my kids make me laugh!!

The Remedy of Self-Sacrificing Service

The Ministry of Susannah Spurgeon.
I have long been a fan of many women of the faith. Women who were wives to great men of God. You have heard it said that behind every great man is a great woman? Well, I don't think a man has to have a woman to be great, but God did give Adam a "helper" and I definitely find joy in helping other Godly men, in serving the Lord. (Genesis 2:18 “And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:20-23
“And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”)

Susannah Spurgeon, among others, such as Martin Luther's wife, Susannah Wesley have fascinated me with their depth of courage and devotion to the Lord, through their marriages to mighty men of faith. God truly did use them to "help" their husbands, to bring honor to their ministries and give them the stability of a spouse. It is a great example to us, as women today, to see such self-sacrifice. It is told to young girls often, you should go out and do your own thing and don't worry about a man. Well, I would beg to differ a bit on that. I do believe that God has created woman for the man. Not that she cannot have her own job, hobby, opinions, etc. But that she can find joy and fulfillment in being a helper to her husband.
Having been married for 8 years, I can speak from experience. After getting past the whole "submission" thing, I was truly able to enjoy the role God had created for me. I set about learning how best to be a blessing to my husband and family. It was some of the most joyous times of my life. Even after my divorce, I have sought the Lord in how I could minister to my pastor and others that God would put in my path.

Having said all that and gotten a little off track, I wanted to share portions of an excerpt from Susan Verstraete's writings on Susannah Spurgeon, wife of Charles Spurgeon.

" It was an odd courtship. Charles had little free time to devote to Susannah. One of their regular dates consisted of Susannah quietly minding her own business while Charles edited his weekly sermon for publication. Susannah once accompanied Charles to a speaking engagement in a crowded venue. As they walked in, Charles was preoccupied with the message he was about to deliver. He turned into a side door, completely forgetting about Susannah, who found herself abandoned in the crushing crowd to find her own way to a seat. Miffed, she left the building and took a cab home to her parents' house.
Mrs. Thompson, Susannah's mother, was not as sympathetic to the perceived slight as her daughter expected her to be. Wisely, she urged Susannah never to try to make herself an idol in her fiancee's heart. Charles was God's servant first and foremost, and she warned Susannah that she must never hinder his ministry. Susannah wrote, "I never forgot the teaching of that day; I had learned my hard lesson by heart, for I do not recollect ever again seeking to assert my right to his time and attention when any service for God demanded them."
Later in their marriage Susannah became chronically ill. For long seasons, she was unable to accompany her husband to church and was often confined to bed. Discouraged and confused, Susannah cried out to God. Later, she would write "... the moment we come into any trial or difficulty, our first thought should be, not how soon can we escape from it, or how we may lessen the pain we shall suffer from it, but how can we best glorify God in it..."


Wow, what wisdom! I had to stop and read that last quote several times for the full effect to sink in. I have had my fair share of grief in my life, probably more than most, but to have the attitude of how best to glorify God in it, wasn't one of the top priorities, I can assure you.
"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." I Corinthians 6:20. What is the chief end of man? Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.
"Yet if [any man suffer] as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf." I Peter 4:16
Just think, enduring the trial, no not enduring, but being truly thankful for the trial - James 1:3 “Knowing [this], that the trying of your faith worketh patience.”..... hmmmmm, something to think about.

As if I didn't have enough to do...

Well, intellectual post will have to wait at least another 3 1/2 weeks, until I am out of school. And if you were wondering why I didn't have a chance to think, let alone write anything of great interest - allow me to clue you into my crazy life!!!



Sunday - 9am Practice with Choir and Praise Team
9:30 Sunday School
10:45 Church
12:00pm Lunch with friends
4:45pm Choir practice
6pm Church
7pm After church social



Monday - 8:00 - 3pm School
3:15 Faculty Meeting
5pm Supper
6pm Laura's Soccer Game



Tuesday - 8:00 - 3pm School
3:30 - 4:45 Piano Lessons
5:30pm Supper
6-7:30 Abigail's Soccer Practice


Wednesday - 8:00 - 3pm School
11:15am Kindergarten Drama (Laura's Class)
3:30 - 4:30 Piano Lessons
3:30 Laura's Soccer Pictures
3:45 - 4:45 Laura's Soccer Practice
6pm Piano Lessons
7pm Church



Thursday - 8:00 - 3pm School
5:30pm Supper
6- 7:30 Abigail's Soccer Practice



Friday - 8:00 - 3pm School
3:30 - 4:30pm Laura's Soccer Practice
4pm Baby Shower for Teacher at my school
6:30 - 7:30 JA's Soccer Game



Saturday - 10am Laura's Soccer Game
1:45pm Abigail's Soccer Game



Sometime in between all of this I will shop for groceries, do laundry, prepare for class, get gas, do homework, spank children, clean house, make supper, go to church, practice music, spank some more children, love my children, put them to bed, do some more laundry, love my kids some more...... and pray I can make it to May 21st!!! So when you see me with that tired, glazed over look and wonder what in the world is going on.... just know I will be back to normal soon.... hopefully...



See you then.......

Idols - part 1

IDOL - 1.a representation or symbol of an object of worship; broadly : a false god.
2.an object of extreme devotion.
3.a false conception.

Idol, now there is a word for the modernity of today, such a word holds "old" connotations. Maybe not so old - with the hit show "American Idol," but to think of an idol as an object, seems rather obscure. When I think of an idol, I remember back as a child watching the Ten Commandments movie that came on around Easter and seeing the dramatic interpretation of the children of Israel dancing wildly around as Aaron and others melted gold and molded a golden calf for the Israelites to worship. Having grown up believing in the Lord as my Savior, I always laughed at how they could have thought a solid structure, such a the golden calf, could ever have delivered them from anything. My heart felt great sadness when I saw the Pharaoh placing his first born son, whom had died from the plague of death, in the arms of the giant blackened statue. I remember asking my dad, "Does he really believe that statue can do anything?" My dad sadly answered that "Yes, they truly believed in idols and many religions today still believe and worship them." As I grew and learned of other religions, I became more curious still how faith in an inanimate object could bring someone joy, fulfillment, or that the belief in that object could establish purpose and hope in a person's life.

Yet, somehow human beings are constantly looking to establish purpose and hope in our lives. We continually strive to "Hold Onto" an object that can bring us joy and fulfillment. All through the scriptures, God is constantly warning his people to remove themselves from the idol worshippers, to remove the idols that they worshipped and to do away with foreigner's because of their influence. And still, they never seemed satisfied to have God as their lead.... always seeking a physical idol to worship - whether that be an inanimate object or a king in headship only. They constantly worshipped what they could see and rarely what they could not. Even though God has written his law on every man's heart - our hearts are extremely wicked and our fleshly desires sometimes run over the controls of conscious placed by our Creator.

Exodus 20:4-6 "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:

Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me, and shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. "

The Old Testament is filled with scriptures telling God's children to do away with idol worship and those who worship idols. The New Testament continues that warning, especially with the temple worship in Ephesus and around Asia Minor. God tends to add to that warning with an attribute toward the heart. The focus shifts to a condition of the heart, and the outward pouring from that, our mouths and actions. Do we live idolatrous lives? Do we worship things, all be it, silently, quietly but fervently in our hearts? Things apart from God, apart from the worship of Him and He alone? I dare say, with sadness and conviction in my own heart, that we do. As Christians of today, we worship a mired of idols. Sometimes those idols are actual objects or people, and other times it can be the idea of something or someone - an imagination or dream.

Sacred

My friend, Donny, recently introduced me to this song. I has hit a nerve in my heart that I constantly struggle with as a mom. Realizing that all the messes, the house, the interruptions and if you know anything about my children - their constant talking - is enough to drive any good mom crazy! However, it is part of our purpose as women, as mothers, as caretakers, as keepers of the home, as a help mate to our spouses, that we carry on through the messes in life, through the day to day routines, chores, laundry, dishes, in a way that is pleasing to our Lord and Savior. Reminding ourselves continually of the purpose of disciplining our young ones, teaching them the way of life, "as you walk in the way, as you rise up, as you lie down...." I all too often will not run to my heavenly Father for refreshment, and because of that I struggle in encouraging my own children. I pray that I will not just endure each day, as I often do. But that I will learn to be alive each day through God's strength and His watering in the spring of my heart.

These are precious moments that all too often I overlook. Thanks Donny, for reminding me that this time is sacred and not to be just endured for the time until the next phase in life.

Sacred

(Caedmon's Call)

This house is a good mess,

It's the proof of life,

No way would I trade jobs,

But it's don't pay overtime.

I'll get to the laundry

I don't know when

Saying a prayer tonight

'Cause tomorrow starts again

Could it be that

Everything is sacred

And all this time

Everything I've dreamed of,

Has been right before my eyes

The children are sleeping

But they are running through my mind

The sun makes them happy

And the music makes them unwind

My cup runneth over, I worry about the stain

Teach me to run to you like

They run to me for every little thing

Everything I've dreamed of has been right before my eyes

When I forget to drink from you, I can feel the banks harden.

Make me like a stream to feed the garden

Wake up little sleeper

The Lord God Almighty

Made your mom a keeper

So rise and shine, rise and shine,

Rise and shine

Cause everything is sacred

And all this time

Everything I've dreamed of has been

Right before my eyes.

Habits

Well, I definitely couldn't say that I am in shape.... however I am doing better with my weight. Since November I have lost 35 pounds, 4 sizes in clothes and 1 shoe size. I am so excited that God has allowed me to persevere in this endeavour. I have found that I am a very slow creature of habit. It takes me a long time to think about changing a habit before I ever do change - that includes the way I eat - how much I eat, etc. I found that it was not so much what I ate - but that I wasn't paying attention to how much I ate. So, getting in shape.... I am doing, slowly but surely....one day at a time.

Habits are very hard to change.... lately I have been trying to form a new habit of listening to people. I usually think people just enjoy listening to me talk and care about my issues. Being a good listener and really caring about what people share with you can be difficult - especially for a selfish person like myself. It helps to be focused on other's needs, to really show you care. I think back to when people have remembered details about my crazy life and followed up later with concern. That meant so much to me that they actually remembered! I hope I can be a blessing to others in that way.

Showing every emotion on my face is a habit that I am not sure I can overcome. That may just be the way God made me. The good thing is, the older I get, the more comfortable with myself I become. I begin to realize that God made me querky, wierd, intense, silly, odd and unique. I have begun to appreciate those qualities about myself and not try to be someone I am not. So as for habits, I'll leave the rest for another day....